CPNV Admin

Authored by Alex Xanttopoulos, Esq.

One of the hardest and most important decisions in going through separation and divorce is selecting the right family law attorney for you. 

So how do you choose the best lawyer? 

The answer likely surrounds knowing yourself, knowing your spouse, and both of your respective goals.  

If you are thinking about engaging in collaborative divorce, you have already decided that you value making the important choices involving your family together with your spouse, in an out of court solution-oriented approach, versus having lawyers and/or judges telling you what should happen.   You are not looking to gain an advantage or “win” your divorce and instead your goals are likely to find something that is workable for your individual family’s needs.   The first step in selecting the best lawyer for your collaborative divorce is to select an attorney who is collaboratively trained and who has experience working with clients in the collaborative divorce process.   When selecting the right collaboratively trained divorce lawyer, you should also be mindful of the goals you initially set for the process and select someone who you can connect with and you feel you can trust.  The attorney’s goals should mirror your own and you should feel comfortable with their approach in guiding you through the collaborative divorce process. 

What if my spouse hasn’t decided on a family lawyer yet?    Or worse, what if they selected someone who doesn’t practice Collaborative Divorce Law?  

In the event you find yourself interested in the collaborative divorce process, both you and your spouse will need to hire attorneys who are collaboratively trained.   Encourage your spouse to visit either the CPNV (Collaborative Professionals of Northern Virginia) website, and/or the VaCP (Virginia Collaborative Professionals) website for a list of collaboratively trained members.  Members of these organizations are required to be collaboratively trained and are required to maintain active continuing legal education each year along with other membership requirements.  Further, you should ask your lawyer for a list of references of other collaborative attorneys that they would recommend for your spouse based on their personality and the issues involved.

In the event your spouse has already chosen his or her own lawyer and they are not collaboratively trained, you can suggest that they interview separate collaborative counsel to discuss with them the option and benefits of a collaborative divorce.  While your spouse may be apprehensive about switching counsel early on, the cost to your family could be much greater if the matter proceeds into divorce litigation.

Click here to read more about Collaborative Law services provided by Alex Xanttopoulos and the Roop Law Firm.

By Michael J. McHugh, Esq. and Teresa S. Cole, Esq.

When a partner with Gender Dysphoria shares that information with their spouse, not always, but frequently, a divorce will follow.  In such cases, the best process by far for the couple is the Collaborative Process.

Several aspects of the Collaborative Process are especially well suited to cases where one spouse is transitioning. First and foremost is the supportive team of mental health professionals who can help both clients navigate their new circumstances.  While the transgender spouse has likely gone through a long path of self-acceptance before telling the cisgender spouse of their Gender Dysphoria, the cisgender spouse may be questioning the entire marriage and everything they thought they knew about their spouse, all the while trying to absorb and process the enormity of the changes ahead.   Even if the cisgender spouse is accepting of their spouse’s newly revealed gender identity, they may have substantial concerns regarding the children.  In these cases, the use of a coach and a child specialist to help both spouses address these issues in a safe setting has no parallel in any other process.

A second aspect of the Collaborative Process that works especially well in these cases is the strict confidentiality with which all information is treated.   Both the transgender and cisgender spouse have substantial concerns about what information is shared with outside parties, both from a professional and a personal standpoint, and knowing that the parties are in full control of all sensitive information provides the safe setting they need in order to discuss issues that are of greatest importance to their family.

Finally, all Clients in the Collaborative Process are treated with the utmost respect in an atmosphere that is free of threats, intimidation, and micro-aggressions; Clients deserve the right to have their concerns heard, and to be addressed by their preferred names and pronouns.  For these reasons, and many more, the Collaborative Process is the best process for any couple where one of the clients is transitioning.