In October 2023, I had the privilege of gathering in Toronto, Canada with collaborative professionals from around the world for the Educational Forum presented by the International Association of Collaborative Professionals.
David Hoffman, a Boston attorney who teaches at Harvard Law School, presented to us about the Internal Family Systems Model, which is a tool collaborative professionals can use to examine why parties may get stuck when trying to reach a settlement and to help them move forward.
The Internal Family Systems Model recognizes that people are made up of multiple “parts” and that those parts arose from their unique life experiences to meet their needs and protect them. There are no bad parts, but sometimes a party’s parts may be in conflict, causing the party to feel ambivalent. An example of this is a party who wants to settle but at the same time resists settlement and wants to go to court. Part of the party may want the peace, certainty, and cost savings that will result from settlement, but another part of the party may want vindication and their day in court.
It is normal for a party to feel ambivalent or stuck during the collaborative divorce process. The job of the professionals on the collaborative team is to help the party get to the root of why they are feeling ambivalent; to understand which internal parts of them are in conflict; and, to help the party reconcile their own internal conflict, so they can make decisions and confidently move forward toward resolution. The professionals on your collaborative team can provide the compassion and support you need to make the decisions that are right for you and your family.
Cynthia Radomsky is a Northern Virginia family law attorney who sits on the Board of the Collaborative Professionals of Northern Virginia, which is the local Northern Virginia practice group, and who is the current chair of the Virginia Collaborative Professionals (“VaCP”), which is the state-wide group of collaborative professionals.
